Who Said The Akatsuki Were Dull?
by Caliluverr
Summary: Warning: This crackfic may not be suitable for children under the age of 13 or for people who have no sense of humor. This is just a drabble collection about life with the Akatsuki. For a group of S-ranked missing-nin, they're actually pretty lighthearted...sorta. Reader-chanxVarious. Not in a romantic way though. Read and Review!
1. Don't Get Your Panties In A Twist!

"Deidara…" You growl in a dangerously low tone. The blonde looks at you, sweat forming on his brow.

"H-hai (Y/N)-chan?" He asks, gulping as you approach the blonde. Itachi and Kisame looked on with amusement. Well Kisame anyways, Itachi was being the silent emo like he always is.

"Well things are about to get interesting…" Kisame murmured.

"I know what you did," You growl, stalking towards the shaking blonde. Finally you reach him and you glare at him with the full force of your (E/C) eyes. "I will murder you in your sleep, I promise," you snarled.

What happened, you might ask?

Well apparently a certain blonde thought it would be a good idea to take all your undergarments and scatter them all over the base. Hell even Hidan woke up with one of your lacy black panties on his face.

The whole base had a nice wake-up call…if you count a long stream of 'colorful' words being shouted in your ear at 7 in the morning as nice. Itachi had walked into your bedroom with raised eyebrows, holding up a pair of lingerie.

Sasori and Hidan were probably the least pleased.

Sasori's puppets were currently wearing you undergarments…ONLY your undergarments while Hidan found his usual praying spot littered with many of your personal items.

You snatched the article of clothing from Itachi and shoved him to the side.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" Hidan yelled in your face.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS FUCKING IS?!" You yelled back, clearly not in the mood for one of his long profanity-filled rants. "When I get my hands on the bastard who did this…" You snarled, stomping all over the base, looking for the culprit.

Sasori intercepted you with a pissed off look in his face.

"What the fuck—"

"OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, PUPPET!" You yell, shoving him on the floor. Kisame had just arrived on scene with Itachi by his side.

"You know how it is when she gets into a rampage. No one can stop her," Kisame sighed.

"Hn." Was all that Itachi said. Or rather grunted.

You had stormed out of the main bedroom hall to see Deidara rolling on the floor, clutching his sides as he laughed. He spotted you and he quickly got up, backing away into a corner.

And that's what had happened up until now.

"S-sorry (Y/N)-chan…I-it was just a j-joke," He waved his hands, stepping back.

"Oh don't even _start _with the honorifics," You snarled, stepping forward.

Step back.

Step forward.

Step back.

Step forward.

Step back…into the wall.

Deidara now looked extremely frightened as his back met with the solid wall, wishing that it could just move for him.

"Nowhere to go now, eh _Dei-kun_?" You laugh darkly.

Deidara looked at Sasori for help. No such luck.

"You asked for it," Sasori shrugged, still bitter from what had happened to his beloved puppets.

You step even closer.

"W-what are you going to d-do?" Deidara looked at your menacing (E/C) eyes.

"Don't worry, Deidara-_sama_, this will just hurt a _little _bit." You smile evilly.

A shrill yell erupted, so loud that Konoha would probably be wondering what had happened.

Now then, what _did_ happen?

Let's just say the Akatsuki's clay master won't be having any children anymore.


	2. Never Ask a Shark How Many They Have

Kisame: Really? Just really?!

Cali: Sorry for my curiosity...

Kisame: *Pulls out Samehada* I'm going to murder you...

Cali: AHHHH!

Itachi: Tch...

Cali: Wow...So helpful, Itachi, so helpful...

Itachi: ...Tch

Cali: I DON'T OWN NARUTO BUT BLUEBERRY-KUN OWNS A BIGASS SWORD THAT CAN AND WILL KILL ME!

Kisame: You got that right. *Chases Cali*

Itachi: ...Tch

* * *

"Ne Kisame?" You say innocently, inching towards the shark-like swordmaster. He raised an eyebrow, looking lazily at your direction.

"What," He grunted.

"Ano…Is it true that you have two…ya knows?" You asked slyly. He stiffened as he turned towards your direction, narrowing his beady eyes.

"What?" He growled, leaning forwards menacingly. You swallow nervously but continued.

"I mean, sharks have two and…you know, you're like part shark…" You trailed off.

"Two of what?" He spat, his hand inching towards his giant shark skin sword. You scoot backwards a bit.

"…Dicks…" You smile sheepishly. His hand grabbed the handle of Samehada and bared his pointed teeth.

You scoot back even more.

"I mean it's just a rumor so—You know what, forget what I said. Um I gotta go so BYE!" You take off running as he pulled his giant swords from his back. You duck as he takes a swing.

"ITACHI! SAVE ME!" You yell as you dash outside with Kisame following closely behind.

_Back in the base…_

"Tch."


End file.
